Ouch

Today I've been in a funk. I think the upcoming craptastic Memorial Day/Painiversary combo is getting to me. Pain is pretty bad again. I've been icing it most of the time if I'm not at work. In between I use heat, but the ice seems to help the most.

Today I didn't want to do anything. I went to work because I had to, but I would have much rather stayed on the couch. I think I need a vacation from work, pain, and my doctors. But that will have to wait. Forever.

Friday Nights, Saturday Mornings

Last night things started to get bad toward the end of the night. This morning I woke up at a 7. I'm still at a 7. I'm using heat now - last night I fell asleep with an ice pack on. Nothing exciting to update now - just going to lie around and hope it passes before work tonight.

Shocking

Today started out OK. I saw Dr. Williams, who agreed my recent anxiety is justified considering the circumstances. I took a nap and spent the better part of the day in bed. Then I went to get my prescription only to discover that I was short one pill, which is only alarming because it's a controlled substance. The pharmacy, WALGREENS IN HERMITAGE, of course offered no help in trying to track down the missing pill. My theory is someone is either incapable of counting to 20 (unlikely), someone made a mistake (somewhat likely), or someone is pocketing one or two pills from each narcotic prescription and reaping the benefits (I think relatively likely). At any rate, I have 19 pills for the month instead of 20. But it's an integrity issue.

I had more disorientation tonight. This first happened exactly a week ago. Must be a Thursday thing. On Thursdays, I have trouble forming sentences late in the evening (post 10 p.m.), have difficulty concentrating, and other neurological symptoms are still present (insensitivity to heat/cold). My grandfather has Parkinson's - he's always more confused at night. I hope that's not related, but it's worth looking into I suppose.

I should note that there were no medications involved in either disorientation episode. I'm still a little dizzy now. I think it's time to consult another neurologist (this will be the fourth I think, maybe third - it's hard to keep track).

I'm wearing the electrodes now. Apparently, turning them up so high that it causes involuntary muscle twitching releases endorphins and blocks the pain pathway for several hours after removing the electrodes. Of course, I have to wear them for about an hour for that to work, all the while twitching. This sounds not at all normal or reasonable, but at this point, I don't care.

If You're Going to Hell and Back, I Can Give You Directions

I haven't posted in a while because it's been a crazy few days in my personal life. I found out Saturday that my ASM in Chattanooga lost her 8-week-old niece and 19-year-old sister on the same day. Then Michael was hospitalized. Needless to say, I was stressed. But this didn't have the usual effect that stress has on my pain. I guess that's good.

I started feeling bad immediately after I moved after my injections on Tuesday. I went from 3.5/4 to an 8 instantaneously. I don't know why that happens, but I think it may be time to stop injections for a while. Today it started flaring up again on the left and rights sides - the stabbing, twisting pain that usually precedes hospital visits. But I've been at the hospital every day since Michael went in, and I don't want to go back. I'm putting heat on now, and I'm supposed to stay off my feet, which is what I'm going to do tomorrow.

I'm hoping to see Dr. Williams in the morning (my psychiatrist). My anxiety/stress level is ridiculous now. I'm not sleeping well, and I'm having trouble focusing when doing things like driving. Today, on the way to work, I realized I was half in the left shoulder, half on the road. Definitely time to fix that.

Overall, the weekend was tough on my body (I am physically and emotionally exhausted), but it could have been worse.

Tuesday is the two-year painiversary. Today I realized the gravity of that - I have been in constant pain for two years, and it has completely controlled my life. The year before that was full of psychological/emotional pain. I've been hurting for a long time. I'd like some relief now. And if my medical providers can't make me better, they should at least try to make me feel better.

Crazy Eights

Today started out OK. I went to work (back brace and all) for four hours, helping during lunch rush and putting the truck away (with no heavy lifting, just putting some things in the freezer). Tonight I had a glass of riesling with dinner and some chocolate cake for dessert, but it was very dense, dark chocolate, which, in theory, is OK for me to have.

I was fine until about 11. My pain increased suddenly, and I've been at an 8 ever since. I was driving home and became disoriented. I could tell my reactions were slower, and I was having trouble forming sentences. This happened before in 2008 for a while. The strangest thing is, while these are some side effects for medication, I wasn't on anything. I'm out of pain meds, and I hadn't taken my evening dose of muscle relaxer yet (I save that until before bed, which decreases the chance of me careening into something on my way home on account of side effects that I never feel, but I like to be safe anyway).

Now I'm home and applying lots of heat. LOTS. My leg is starting to feel tight and crampy again, but it isn't nearly the severity as before. I'm stretching my hamstring, though, just in case. Also, my upper left thigh had a brief sharp, stabbing pain, but it quickly subsided.

So let's recap: Thursday was bad, and I can't think of anything that stands out except that damn back brace that my doctor insisted I get. I got it, and what has it done? IT HAS MADE ME WORSE. But apparently it's something I need and the worseness is temporary. It better be.

Oh, and when I was disoriented, before that happened, the back of my head (where my head meets my neck) was really tingly. This seems to be the progression of things: intense pain; intense pain followed by paresthesia in the extremities and head (which I guess counts as an extremity as well); intense pain, paresthesia, and other neurological symptoms (disorientation, insensitivity to heat and cold, etc.). As an example, I can flip a quesadilla on the flat top using my hands instead of utensils and it doesn't hurt.

Let's take bets on what pain level I'll wake up at tomorrow. My guess is 7 or 8.

Chronic Pain in the Ass

Welcome to my pain diary! Medical professionals have suggested I keep a pain diary, and while I'm quite certain their goal wasn't for me to put it online, I'm hoping this will reach people who are in a similar situation. If not, it'll make you feel pretty good about your life!

Let's get a quick background: pain was sudden onset June 1, 2008. So, yeah, it's been a while. Pain and I are well acquainted. Really. I've seen it naked.

I'll skip all the boring tests I've had, but they've pretty much run the gamut on me. Surgeries, scans, scopes in orifices, the whole nine. Nothing showed up, which means I'm not pregnant, and I don't have cancer. Duh. If I'd been pregnant I'd have a walking kid right now, and if I'd had cancer, I'd be dead.

Today's pain actually wasn't that bad. Woke up at about a 6, which is completly normal for me. I accidentally left my back brace at home, but I made it through work OK. As an experiment, I didn't wear it to my night job either. Final result: nothing traumatic. No hospital visits, no screaming agony. Which is great because I have no pain meds should things flare up. Inevitably, they will flare up, and we'll worry about that when it happens.

I did some Pilates last night before bed - nothing too strenuous, just working on the core with some leg work. It felt good to sort of work out again, and I know it was good for my leg muscles, which have been seriously effed since sudden calf pain woke me up a few Fridays ago and put me in the ER...again. Seriously, I should get a punch card for Vanderbilt. Nine visits and your tenth is free!

Yesterday I got muscle injections, and I think that contributed to not feeling like death today, although last night that was not the case. After my injections, my pain was at a 9 by the time I got to work. Luckily, the Pill Fairy (this is not an actual person in my pain saga) left me half a pain pill, so I took that and managed to make it through work. Then I went to PT, had some pool therapy, and went home for some pajama vegging.

I don't know why it gets worse after injections sometimes, but it was unbearable. I'm afraid it's going to happen again, and I really don't want to end up in the hospital every 2-3 months because it flares up. I've been told when it flares up that I need to sit and stretch, but I don't see how this will help. I've tried that; it doesn't work. My flare-ups don't last minutes, they last about 36 hours, and I sure as hell can't stretch that long.

Stay tuned for our next episode.